The Art of Being a Lady: 10 Ways to Feel More Feminine

Behold a new installment in The Art of Being a Lady series. Now that we know what it means to be a ladywhy it’s importanthow you can attract the gentleman of your dreamsspice up your life, and find luxury in the ordinary, we can no longer avoid the dreaded f-word.

I’m talking about femininity.

Let’s start at the beginning {what a novel idea!}. Without delving too far into gender roles and religion {although I’d be delighted to discuss these topics in a different medium}, we need to understand what femininity means. Originally, the word referred to {drumroll, please…} the female sex. That’s it: no hidden, convoluted meaning, no negative connotation, no backhand insult. Now, when the modern age demands that girls behave like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers, it’s safe to say that we have lost touch of what it means to be feminine, and essentially, what it means to be a lady.

Growing up, I was not feminine by any stretch of the imagination. Oh sure, I was the 4-year-old orchestrating runway shows in the living room, teetering in my mother’s highest heels and most luxurious robes, with an obnoxious plastic crown atop my mess of curls {to fully clear up any confusion as to who was in charge}. In high school, there was a time I may have serendipitously grasped at the idea of femininity, having never truly succumbed to peer pressure in spite of being the epitome of a bully target {think bush eyebrows, glasses, zero social skills}. By the time I entered the university, I was THAT girl. Oh, you know the kind – strutting into my seven-thirty-in-the-morning class wearing heels and my warrior mask {otherwise known as a full face of makeup}.

Much more interesting than a walk down memory lane, however, is the fact that while I was oh-so-busy prancing around in frou-frou dresses, I didn’t even notice that something was missing from the masterpiece that is called my life. While I may have looked the part of a lady {besides a few awkward fashion phases here and there, which we won’t talk about} I was too focused on looking like one to realize that I also needed to act like one.

And how does a lady act? So glad you asked!

I like this quote from Megan Gahan, a fellow blogger, who says, “[Women] were created to be strong and powerful and formidable, not in spite of your sex, but because of it.” {Amen, sister!} The source of true feminine beauty comes from deep inside a woman’s being and is manifested when our thoughts, words, actions and emotions are in perfect harmony with our purpose as a woman.

And now, without further ado, I present to you 10 ways to feel more feminine.

Be present. The other day I caught myself mentally preparing my reaction to a scenario that I had imagined in my head. You cannot, without simply lying to my face, tell me that you have not, at some point, done that yourself. Constant attempts to control the unknown {otherwise known as overanalyzing} is a monster every woman struggles with every single day; it’s in our nature. One way to feel more feminine is to become more in tune to your surroundings and to bring a conscious awareness to every moment. Let’s start right now. Get out of your own head and let go of your constant worries. Become aware of your surroundings: Hear the birds chirping outside. Notice the color of the leaves on the trees. Smell the coffee tempting you from the kitchen. Touch the soft sweater wrapping your body in a cloud of warmth. What do you feel, touch, smell, hear, taste or see? Don’t try to analyze these sensations; simply slow down and allow your senses to awaken to the world around you.

Relax. Take a leisurely bath, get a massage, or exercise that tension right out of your body. If you’re like me, and the idea of physical activity less-than-thrills you, don’t despair. The point is to relieve stress and get back in touch with yourself, so if that means a 3-month vacation, then bon voyage!

Deliberately enjoy every moment. See the beauty of every moment and make it a point to experience it in the most positive way possible. Find little luxuries in the most ordinary moments and indulge in whatever makes you feel most beautiful and feminine {this may or may not, but probably does, call for a little shopping}.

Declutter your life, both physical and mental. Declutter your physical surroundings by selling your unwanted possessions or simply giving them away. Mental clutter includes things like unfinished projects, unrealistic schedules, your unforgiven past or negative people who drain your energy {more on this in a future post}. Removing everything but the essentials restores a feeling of tranquility and serenity to our lives, reminding us what is truly important.

Refine your speech. Sure, I totally understand the allure of using a curse word to really drive your point across, but is the English language really so devoid of flavor that we must descend down to the pits of hell to voice our thoughts? Part of being feminine is choosing and expressing your thoughts in a poised way. It may come as a surprise to some of you, but I am not the most eloquent person on earth {cue eye roll} Although curse words are not part of my vocabulary, brazen sarcasm certainly is. And while there is nothing wrong with a witty remark, per se, the lesson here is that there is a time and place for everything.

Wear more silk. Indulge your femininity by opting for luxurious, feminine fabrics like silk, chiffon, velvet, satin, cashmere and lace when you get dressed. Think soft, fluffy, delicate, romantic, flowy – basically anything that underlines the fact that you’re, well, a woman.

Turn on the positive energy. Have you ever heard the expression, “An attractive person is one who gets noticed. A charming person is one who notices you.” Okay, fine, it may not be the exact quote, but you get the point, which is to leave people you interact with in a happier state than they were in when you first encountered them. In other words, don’t be a drag. It’s easy to fall into the I’m-so-helpless-won’t-you-listen-to-my-sob-stories trap, but let me tell you something: Nobody cares. Not only are you a bore to your companion, but you come away from the conversation feeling worse than before. Learn how to be more positive, and instead of wallowing in misery, try to maintain the same level of energy {or higher} as the person you’re talking to. Become the person that always knows just how to brighten someone’s day.

Be lighthearted and playful. More shocking {to you, at least} than the fact that I’m not very eloquent will be the fact that I am, in fact, very silly. I know, I know, just a few short months ago I was complaining about feeling like the most uptight person ever to walk this earth. So I may not have this one completely under control, but at least I’m trying. When you learn to laugh at yourself and not take everything to heart, you become a much more pleasant person to be around. It’s a win-win: you win because you’re awesome, and they {they being the people around you} win because you’re, well, awesome.

Spend time with your man. Nothing brings out my feminine, nurturing side than spending time with my dear husband. Seriously, five minutes with him, and I’m in the kitchen making sandwiches {NOT because it’s my wifely duty to keep him fed but because there’s simply nothing else that can bring me more happiness at that moment.} All kidding aside, there is something oh-so-beautiful about the perfect union of a masculine man and a feminine woman that allows you to freely hand over the pants {figuratively speaking} in the relationship.

Spread the love. Every woman is born with an innate desire to beautify everything around her. And what could be more beautiful than one person showing a kind gesture to another? Melodramatics aside, vow to do something nice for someone every day. Write a hand-written note to a friend. Call a loved one. Invite someone you wouldn’t typically invite for dinner. Surprise your mother-in-law with a pampering spree. Include a love note as you’re packing your husband’s lunch. I promise you, if this is all you take away from this list, it will be worth it.

And now I eagerly await to hear your opinion. I mean, just look at my face. If that isn’t the epitome of eagerness, then I don’t know what is. You know where the comment section is.

For more posts from this series, check out:

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Posted in PERSONAL, THE ART OF BEING A LADY.

12 Comments

  1. I have just recently found out that my husband and everyone around me thinks I’m masculine. I had my son 4 years ago, and ever since then I’ve struggled with it. It’s been a defense mechanism to get me through some hard things in life. I recently started seeing a therapist, and she even said I was masculine even in my walk. I have pretty much given up on happiness and feeling good about me. I just read this, and I feel encouraged to try some of this. I’m tired of carrying everything on my own. I finally can admit I need help from my husband and in general. I want to be a woman!! I can’t wait to read what else you have. Thank you for this.

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  3. Hi! Thanks for this awesome post. I really enjoyed it. Its nice to know there are still women who are not afraid to be women.

  4. Hi, this is the second blog I’ve read in the quest to feel a bit more feminine. The first one pretty much said to wear dresses and lose weight so thank you for this! I surround myself with lovely things and I paint my nails and all of those things but I struggle to get past the fact that I just don’t look feminine. I feel completely unattractive to men but I’m working on it. Most of the time I’m in trousers or jeans.. I have horses.. but I scrub up okay when I go out I suppose. I’ll be taking on board what you said, especially the decluttering I think. Thank you

  5. You’re just awesome! Just randomly found your blog read and oh my how I connect with you and your personality. I’m all for your beautiful tips! Thanks for the blog read.

  6. Wow, i love your post. It makes me reawaken again about “what a women should be.” Well, most of the time i forget about myself (stressful life makes once world ruin when it didn’t handled well). Anyway, i just want to show my thanks and appreciation to you. xoxo

    • Hi dear! Thank you so much for your kind words of appreciation – comments like yours mean more to me than you’ll ever know! I hope you join in other discussions as I continue discovering The Art of Being a Lady! XOXO, Oksana

  7. This is a lovely post.I came across your blog about a year ago and have now just re-discovered it (need to make sure I bookmark it this time). I think your personality really shows in your writing and pictures!

    I think it is so easy to forget to take the time to be feminine (especially in between our chores, work, social commitments) but I personally try to incorporate it as much possible. Whether it’s having a long bath or painting my nails red, I find it elevates my mood.

    K

    http://mimosasorlemonade.wordpress.com/

    • Hi Kristina! Thanks so much for your sweet words and encouragement! Feel free to follow the blog via BLOGLOVIN’ where you can opt to receive an email every time a new post is published! I would be thrilled to have you join in on future discussions!

      I definitely agree that in this day and age femininity has become just one of the many “hats” we as women put on every once in a while – but the truth is that it’s so much more than that! I’m so excited to have you join me on this adventure of discovering the art of being a lady!

      XOXO, Oksana

  8. I love this blog…it expresses loving yourself and being more humble and proud about being that delicate flower that you naturally are inside …Embracing being a women is not to prove you are to a man by being hard like a man but accepting yourself for what your heart guides you to be inside and thats a woman..

    • Hi Nareena! Thank you oh-so-much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts! It brings me such joy to come across readers like yourself, who truly understand what it means to be a lady and the power that comes with our role as women. I hope you take the time to peruse the other posts in The Art of Being a Lady series, as I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on this topic! XOXO

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